There’s only one picture of me from the Blues Cruise 50K and a slightly blurry one at that.
Some days are good.
Some days are bad.
Some days take every ounce of your mental and physical will to push forward.
Sunday’s race was the latter.
I don’t have much to say.
I could give you the list of reasons I’ve rationalized in my head for why it was such a tough day for me, but the bottom line is that it’s done, I finished.
It wasn’t pretty.
I was ready to quit at mile 12. Doubled over feeling like throw up at mile 17, Nick literally dragging me back on to the trail. Struggling to eat anything.
Saying “fuck it” and agreeing to walking the remainder of the race (whatever the finish time ended up being). Wanting to quit again– then at mile 20 realizing I could walk the final 10+ miles at a reasonable pace and still make the cutoff.
Realizing I could make it under the cut off and getting almost 6 miles of flat trail was the point I started to feel ok enough to add bits of running back in– 2 min segments, followed by more walking. One foot in front of the other.
A sign for the Army on the drive back home was incredibly ironic and timly– “Battles are won within.”
I struggled more at an “easier” event than the Catoctin 50K.
I spent much of the day in my head, asking the philosophical questions– what’s wrong with me, would I struggle as much if I didn’t have #t1d, why am I not good enough, why do I sign up for stuff like this?
I am good enough.
Each instance of pain, adversity, and challenge we endure makes us stronger and helps form us into the person we are.
If everything was easy we would probably be pretty boring.
🤍 amanda maureen