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GC2015 Trip Report [Day 21 | 10 December 2015]

December 10, 2015November 17, 2019

NO RAPIDS! WOO HOO!

Woke up, AGAIN, to beached boats.

Nick and I switched on and off with rowing.

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River Miles: 16.0 miles
Camp: Two Hundred Sixty-Four Mile [mile 264.7]

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Posted in: Uncategorized | Tagged: Adventure, Grand Canyon, Trip Report

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GC2015 Trip Report [Day 20 | 9 December 2015]

GC2015 Trip Report [Day 22 | 11 December 2015]

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Little by little fear has less of a hold on me. The things I share are deep, but they are safe. It's a comfortable level of vulnerability. I've been practicing daily meditation. Yesterday I did a guided meditation where you are led down a darkening path. You pass through several gates, and at each you must give something up to continue. At the end you are laid bare before your shadow self. As you journey back up the path you are centered and complete-- embracing all aspects of yourself. A tad scary and raw-- below I'm sharing the highlights of my post-meditation journaling. I give up my fear. I accept my inner light. I will radiate that sparkly light and equally embrace my beautiful shadow. I give up my expectations. I accept my inner wisdom. I will look inside for the answers, for they all reside within. I give up my pride. I accept my ability to speak my truth. I will lay down my image and be my true authentic self. I give up my guilt. I accept that I am worthy. I will love others by first loving myself. I will let others love me without expectation. I give up my weakness. I honor my boundaries. I accept my personal power and will weild it with compassion. I give up my recklessness. I accept that I can't do it all. I will treat my mind, body, heart, and soul like a temple. I give up my mask. I accept the wild stirring in my heart and soul. I will not blend in. I will not play small. I will not stay inside the lines. I will not be good and follow the rules just for the sake of fitting in. 📷 from #ct2019

"There is something moon-soaked and dawn-flavoured about her. Something kissed by the wild and loved by lightning. She, the Goddess of storm hunting and wolves and moonlight magic. She, the queen of the forest, of womanhood more brutal than tragic." - The Moon Goddess by @nikita_gill Happy Halloween 😘

It wasn't about the miles. It almost never is. The miles are just the tool. It's about resilience. It's recognizing my perceived limitations, acknowledging them, then seeing how much further I can go. It's learning how to stay firm and grounded in myself when my emotions are threatening to make me do something silly and irrational. It's becoming the observer of my situation. It's accepting that growth comes with pain-- physical, mental, emotional. It's putting in the work every day to be my best possible me. I am shaped and strengthened by that which, first, breaks me open. Sometimes I get it right. Often I mess it up because I am learning how to trust and let go. But the cool thing in all of that is the awareness-- I can't be better if I'm unaware. The miles and physical challenges are one tool I use to increase my awareness. Yesterday was a fabulous experience. Yes it was difficult, and yes it hurt. But I was so mentally and emotionally prepared that, in the chaos, I was able to soak it all in. Traffic was horrible, my sensor decided to be finicky, I forgot to put a backup insulin source in my hydration pack, I started off in last place, I could barely eat, my blood sugar was shit. Through all of that, I never overreacted. I observed, adjusted, and trusted everything to be ok. My sensor came back to life, I didn't need a backup source of insulin, by the halfway point I was right in the middle of the pack, by the end of the event I had normal-ish high blood sugar-- AND I finished top (only) female. You are able to do what you fully and deeply believe is possible. It will likely come with challenges, setbacks, and pain. But growth, beauty, and awareness await you on the other side ✌️♥️

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