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amanda maureen

learning to breathe, let go, and fear less

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The People Like Me

December 1, 2019December 1, 2019Leave a comment

Nick has been asking me to share this picture from the MuleSkinner 50-miler. I kept telling him no because I'm intermittent fasting from social media. But here I am. Having done it anyway. Why did I change my mind? I can't find the people like me. Maybe there's someone out there frustrated AF that they … Continue reading The People Like Me

something about this time of year

November 24, 2019Leave a comment

There's something about this time of year. And not the magical "something" the holidays supposedly bring. There's this feeling of being lost. Hyper aware of all the fakeness. The excess. The overconsumption and over indulgence. And not sure what to do with it. Retreat? Disconnect? Throw it all away? It's everywhere-- On social media. In … Continue reading something about this time of year

This Week I Promise Myself

November 16, 2019November 16, 2019Leave a comment

There are a lot of things I want to do each day for my self-care and well-being. Sometimes I do some of them, but there's a difference in having a lot of good ideas and it-would-be-nice-ifs and actually following through with them. I generally keep my promises to myself. I don't need a lot of … Continue reading This Week I Promise Myself

Little By Little

November 4, 2019November 12, 2019

Little by little fear has less of a hold on me. The things I share are deep, but they are safe. It's a comfortable level of vulnerability. I've been practicing daily meditation. Yesterday I did a guided meditation where you are led down a darkening path. You pass through several gates, and at each you … Continue reading Little By Little

The Miles Are Just the Tool

October 13, 2019November 12, 2019Leave a comment

It wasn't about the miles. It almost never is. The miles are just the tool. It's about resilience. It's recognizing my perceived limitations, acknowledging them, then seeing how much further I can go. It's learning how to stay firm and grounded in myself when my emotions are threatening to make me do something silly and … Continue reading The Miles Are Just the Tool

Wineglass Half Marathon – Part II

October 6, 2019November 16, 2019Leave a comment

22nd half marathon ✓ This one was tough today. I wish I had words to explain what it feels like to run with type 1 diabetes. I tend to run with my blood sugar on the higher side-- mostly out of fear of dropping low. I'm very insulin sensitive when I run, so even the … Continue reading Wineglass Half Marathon – Part II

Wineglass Half Marathon

October 6, 2019November 16, 2019Leave a comment

It's Wineglass Half Marathon morning 🥂 ✓ Temp basal set ✓ A fraction of insulin bolused for breakfast I do stupid things when I get freaked out-- Exhibit A: high blood sugar all night before my race. I'm honestly more nervous for this race than I've been in a long time. It's *almost* pre-diabetes long … Continue reading Wineglass Half Marathon

I Am Enough. And So Are You.

September 27, 2019Leave a comment

Yesterday I let a comment from a man, who doesn't actually know me, make me feel devalued-- like what I do doesn't matter. I had a choice in that moment. Internalize or deflect. I chose to internalize and it bothered me the rest of the day. The fear of not being enough. One of my … Continue reading I Am Enough. And So Are You.

The Idea of Birthdays

September 18, 2019Leave a comment

I've always loved the idea of birthdays. It's fun being celebrated, but it's also more than that. Your birthday signifies a new year-- YOUR new year. No, it's not my birthday yet (that's next month!) But as the fiscal year ends and I'm thinking about what I want my next work year to look like-- … Continue reading The Idea of Birthdays

Change Is in the Air

September 1, 2019November 16, 2019Leave a comment

It feels like change is in the air. It's subtle, but I feel it on the wind like a whisper. Full moon vibes and coming back from a trip filled with growth and introspection makes me think deeply-- What's working, what not. What needs to be let go, what needs to be reaffirmed. What really … Continue reading Change Is in the Air

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Instagram

So many beautiful photos from @kitkat5271 and @wallzy41 wedding-- but this one reallly sums things up 😂😂 Love you Kat! 😘 📷: @emilylaura_photography
Nick has been asking me to share this picture from the @spirit_trips MuleSkinner 50-miler. I kept telling him no because I'm intermittent fasting from social media. But here I am. Doing it anyway. Why did I change my mind? I can't find the people like me. Maybe there's someone out there frustrated AF that they can't find the people like them-- and what if.. maybe, just maybe, I'm that person. I've been spending a lot of time truly questioning my motives behind posting to social media. I go from one extreme to the next. Whether my motives are pure or not, I'm not going to find my people if I keep quiet. So I guess you could say I'm being selfish by posting. I have a big thing I want to do in 2021. And to get there, I have a few big things I need to do successfully over the next year. The things are going to be hard. Really hard. And they are going to push me to my perceived limits. Again. I have this really strong and vivid image of myself doing these things-- which I find exciting because visualization of success is key in actually manifesting that success. I also have this annoying partner named type 1 diabetes tagging along on the journey. Some days she makes things harder than they need to be and it sucks. I'm not quite ready to share the things yet. That makes it real and a little scary. I will eventually spill the beans. In the meantime, I'm recommitting to detailed tracking, practicing patience, and extending grace in diabetes management; being my best self; and spreading my truth (even when it's not pretty) ✌️🤍
Little by little fear has less of a hold on me. The things I share are deep, but they are safe. It's a comfortable level of vulnerability. I've been practicing daily meditation. Yesterday I did a guided meditation where you are led down a darkening path. You pass through several gates, and at each you must give something up to continue. At the end you are laid bare before your shadow self. As you journey back up the path you are centered and complete-- embracing all aspects of yourself. A tad scary and raw-- below I'm sharing the highlights of my post-meditation journaling. I give up my fear. I accept my inner light. I will radiate that sparkly light and equally embrace my beautiful shadow. I give up my expectations. I accept my inner wisdom. I will look inside for the answers, for they all reside within. I give up my pride. I accept my ability to speak my truth. I will lay down my image and be my true authentic self. I give up my guilt. I accept that I am worthy. I will love others by first loving myself. I will let others love me without expectation. I give up my weakness. I honor my boundaries. I accept my personal power and will weild it with compassion. I give up my recklessness. I accept that I can't do it all. I will treat my mind, body, heart, and soul like a temple. I give up my mask. I accept the wild stirring in my heart and soul. I will not blend in. I will not play small. I will not stay inside the lines. I will not be good and follow the rules just for the sake of fitting in. 📷 from #ct2019
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